It was another banner day at the Yakima Field Office. It's amazing how little can be done by so many! Oh well. Hot here in Yakima, about 90 today and hotter tomorrow. Had to turn on the AC. Mom was OK today but a little anxious when Robert was late getting home. Adel and mom called a few times until he arrived. It is almost 10pm EDT now and I don't expect to hear from them tonight. Maggie e-mailed the pictures she took of their meeting with Bea Carpenter. The picture is of that day.

I haven't been sleeping well lately but have been dreaming quite a bit which is unusual for me. I won't elaborate but to say they all take place in NY. I cannot shake the feeling that I am destined to return but when is still a mystery.

I can't seem to shake this restless feeling and desire for a major change in my life. I am bored and disgusted at work. Can't seem to find anything to keep my interest. I have been feeling drained and hollow as if there is something missing I just can't seem to nail it down. I need to make some dramatic changes. I have been here too long. It is making me old.

I need to get Robert to nail down one way or another if we are going to go to Fire Island and when. My boss keeps pressing me to get my time scheduled. I will press him tomorrow about it. If Carol is not going to offer the house we need to make some other plans asap. It is already June and flight schedules will be harder to make the later I wait.

Ruth is retiring tomorrow. Her daughter has leukemia and is dying. Ruth is going to take care of her daughter's three children. They are quite young, twins who are six and another child which is eight I think. It is a very sad time for her but she is a remarkable woman! I pray for her strength every day! Ted is still in the hospital with no diagnosis yet.

Well maybe I'll add more later but for now I will wish you peace!

It was an early day for me at work and quite busy. I was called to the aid of one of my co-workers. At first we thought it was a sugar problem but wound up rushing him to the hospital as we thought it might be heart related. Ted is resting comfortably and is spending the night at memorial hospital for tests and observation. He has been under allot of stress lately with a daughter in the hospital, a new house and a family fighting over his dead mothers estate. I pray all is well and he is released soon. Makes the rest of the day seem trivial after such a morning. I was quite worried for a time as I like Ted and think of him as a friend not just a c0-worker.

Mom seemed fine with me today although Robert was concerned as he felt she was quite erratic with him when they spoke. I myself had a couple of good conversations with her. We discussed the weekend with Bea and the family. She had a visit from the physical therapist today which she seems to enjoy much. I spoke with them around 830pm EDT. Robert was getting dinner ready and mom was giving him a hard time. He was trying to get her to go upstairs for dinner and desert and I convinced her to comply. I expect to hear form them before they go to bed. Maggie is suppose to call as I am anxious to talk to her about coming in to take care of mom under NY states family care plan or something like that. It is where the family can select the care provider and the the state will pay them rather than a facility or such. It would mean putting my career on hold but it would also get me back east too.

Just spoke with mom and rob, they were settling in for the night as they are both tired from the busy weekend.

I am just watching a movie and typing and getting ready to make my nightly milkshake.

A warm Tuesday

Today is Maria and Katie's birthday, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope you both had a great day!

I didn't do much today except work. I haven't been feeling too well but I haven't been taking good care of myself lately either. Got to start eating better and exercising.

Mom and Rob got home thanks to Dave. They got home around 3PM EDT spoke to them early but not tonight. I guess they are tired and went to bed early. Robert has work tomorrow and the trip took allot out of mom, although she was in great spirits!.

Looks like summer is getting ready to settle in here. Warm sunny days are in the forecast for the week. I hope I can keep a PMA (positive mental attitude) at work this week and don't let them bring me down. Have to find other things to keep me occupied beside work and the news.

I got a reply from Irwin, an old friend from Hunter Mountain days. He and his wife Deb are doing well and we have allot of catching up to do. There are times I wished I had never left Westkill. I met a lot of good people there. But time moves forward not back! I can only hope to re-forge old bonds and not have regrets for choices made in the past. I must remember to keep looking forward for it is too easy to lose myself in the past! Looking to the future is the only way to keep hope alive. Hope for change, for better things, and for peace! God grant me the wisdom to always look forward, not to forget the past but to build on the knowledge I gained from it! I only wish I was wiser when I was younger, but as they say it is never to late! Whatever time is left for me whether it be long or short from this moment on I promise myself to make the most of it!

None of the family has read my blog yet and I really don't mind if they do or don't. I am writing more for me as it seems to be therapeutic. I should have started a journal a long time ago. Having the laptop and nothing else to do makes it easier too. I am getting addicted to milkshakes though. I am getting into the habit of making one after dinner and typing my blog.

Bruce gave me Kevin Collins address. I have been trying to call him but his phone number is not working. I know he is OK as Maria got a mother's day card from him. Kevin is a good soul and we have allot in common. We just don't keep in touch even though he is living just on the other side of the mountains in Seattle. We have had our ups and downs but that is expected as we have know each other for more than 30 years now.

Well I guess I'll finish for today. There is aways tomorrow for more.

peace.

Memorial Day

Slept late and lounged around all day. Didn't do a damn thing! Spoke with mom rob and maggie around 7pdt tired and bad allergies. Bed down early tonight. Jane Bruce and Clare at Maggie's for barbeque no JADE. Having my nightly milkshake and then bed.

more tomorrow,

peace!

Sunday, May 27

Slept in til 8:30 today first time in I can't remember! Bruce woke me up at 7am but I went back to bed as I was staying home anyhow. Bruce wound up working today so it was good I stayed home. I will plan a trip to chewelah for the 8th of June unless something comes up.

Lounged around till about 10:30 then went out for a newspaper and smokes. Came home and had a late breakfast. Watched the indy 500 until the rain delay. talked to Tom and got a few things straightened out as he was having a difficult day at work. The shit always hits the fan when I take off or on a holiday this just happened to be both.

Bruce B.called to check in. He and Maria are golfing in the Kay Walker tournament tomorrow. His mom is doing well and Maria's sisters are in Hawaii.

Took a hot bath and read the paper. Watched a few war movies as it is memorial day weekend. Baked a loaf of whole wheat Italian bread and drank a few glasses of wine. Nice to be off and do nothing. Had some sausages (Italian) and asparagus for dinner, watched the end of pt109 then put on the Man who shot Liberty Valance. Rob called from hotel. They had a great time visiting Bea Carpenter, and were joking around when they called. Cheryl put on a great spread for them! Mom was in great spirits and was making fun of everyone!!!!!. Going to make a milkshake now so more later.

A day off

Well I am off today and was heading for Chewelah but I had a very bad night with my back.

Got up early as Maggie called me because there was a leak at mom's. Told her what to do and went to take a hot bath to lossen up and try to get going. Went back to bed after bath as I was just played. Decided to stay home and just relax, sleep do nothing etc. Called Barone's and let them know I was staying home. Just as well as they want to play in golf tournament on Monday and Bruce had allot going this weekend. Slept and lounged until 11 then ran to Safeway to get a few things an a Starbucks coffee. I've spent the rest of the day lounging around watching nothing on TV and having a few glasses of wine. Starting to feel no pain now at 530pm and am going to make some dinner and watch The Stand as there is really nothing on and I like to watch that movie when I have a buzz on!

Spoke to Mom Rob and Maggie at the hotel and they are doing real well! It's good for mom to get out and Robert can get a little relief and a hot tub and swim at the hotel. they are supposed to see Bea Carpenter tomorrow and I hope that goes well. I've been following the saga of the whales in CA. I hope they survive! I pray they do !!!!

Life is difficult as a human I can't imagine how difficult it must be for the animals which we persecute each and every day. What a horror it must be for all creatures that we impact excluding the pets we choose to cherish (how lucky they are). If only wisdom progressed as quickly as technology!

Made some deep fired asparagus for dinner tonight and they were awsome!

Really wish my back would stop hurting!!!!! Maggie and Mom called from the stop and shop parking lot while they were waitng for Robert. Mom is having a good time! She loves to get out it really stimulates her. She does so much better when she is out and about. Trying to use the new laptop as much as possible during the 30 day return time. Ireally enjoy having the convience of a laptop. I spend so much time sitting at a desk top that is it nice being able to use a computer in a comfortable environment. Watched some Clash vieos on utube the other night. There was a great interview with Tom Synder from 1981 and some great live videos.

more later.

Friday, May 25th angry thoughts

Well it's finally Friday and I finally have a weekend off. Three whole days. I am going to head to Chewelah Saturday morning to visit the Barone's. Maybe even get a round of golf in. Margaret and Robert are taking Mom to Poughkeepsie Saturday - Tuesday. David is supposed to bring them home. Hope that works out. Chris screwed me at work again today. It was my fault for having him handle communications with the region. He always seems to find a way to take the lions share of the credit for my efforts. I'm such a fool. He really pisses me off!!!!!! I am going to have it out with him on Tuesday! I have had enough of bearing the brunt of the responsibility and geting no respect. He has one hell of an ego and I am going to crush it!!!!!!!

Sorry, enough of that. Life is too short to let myself get upset over so trivial a man. Didn't hear from Richmond Hill tonight, hope all is well. Spoke with them a couple of times today though. They were having a good day getting ready to go away.

More later.

peace

More thoughts: Thursday, May 24th

Another red letter day at the office!!!!! Actually it was a pleasant day, worked at the office until about noon. Allergies were really bad again today for everyone! Spoke with mom and adel about 230 EDT , they were having a good day. Were on the pourch when we spoke. The physical therapist came later. Mom really enjoys his visits. Got an e-mail reply from my friend Irwin whom I worked with when I lived in Westkill. I'm glad he got back to me. I'm going keep in touch now after 20 years. Irwin and Debbie are great people. Glad to hear they are doing well. Tom (my assistant) had a family emergency at home today and had to leave work suddenly. I may have to change my plans for the weekend and work, but that doesn't matter. I'm not sure I really want to travel this weekend any way.

Robert is enjoying the keyboard and mom loves to have music played for her! Maggie came down to Richmond Hill tonight to help Robert get mom ready to go to Poughkeepsie this weekend. There was a cancellation at the residence inn so they are going to get the 2 bedroom ther for the weekend rather than the Mariott. Great!

Mom and Rob sang happy birthday on the keyboard to MAGGIE while I listened. We spoke for about a half hour tonight while they sang and laughed. It is great to hear mom happy!!!! She was better today, more alert and attentive.

I hope Robert gets the plans together for the beach soon so I can make my plans to visit. Mom keeps asking when I am coming in to see her.

I didn't watch the news tonight again and Iam glad. No Jury duty tomorrow, I didn't think they would call us being a holiday weekend. Talking to Maria right now they are really looking forward to my visit. Its been almost 6 months since I've seen them. That's all for now!

peace.

More of me. Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Well it was another day wasn't it! Not much different here. Took a few hours off from work to avoid an "all hands meeting" to discuss another re-organization. New boss new plan!!!!!

Robert was home with mom today and I spoke with them a few times. Mom was ok but not on her best game, but neither was I. Forgot to mail maggie's BD card and adam and emily's graduation card. I have to get them in the mail befor the weekend!!!!!! Allergies have been bad the last couple of days and haven't been getting much sleep.

Haven't heard from dave in awhile. Maybe I'll try him tomorrow night. The news wasn't to bad today although I didn't pay much attention to it. Avoided listening about anything coming out of DC as it is always the same old rhetoric. It's amazing how we keep voting in people who have no clue what it is to be us!!!! Well I will be brief tonight as I am tired and really don't have much to say. More tomorrow.

peace!

Tuesday, My life cont.

Before anything else:
I want to say how proud I am of you both Emily and Adam!!!!!!!!! Congratulations to both of you!!!!!!! HAPPY GRADUATION!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE FUTURE AND THE FUTURE IS YOU!!!!!!! MAY YOUR LIVES BE FILLED WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS AND YOUR DREAMS BE FULL FILLED!!!!!!!! MAY THE WORLD FIND PEACE AND YOU BOTH FIND LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember everything you do matters!!!!! IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU DO JUST BE HAPPY! That's all God wants of us is to be happy and treat each other as we wish to be treated!!! It's not how much you have but what you do with it that matters!!!!! God bless you both!!!!!
Went to work early (before 6am) got my daily status report done and my assistant lined out for the day and took the rest of the day off. I really needed a day away from the office. Got the oil changed in my jeep at walmart and did some grocery shopping. was home by 9am. Insomnia has it's benefits! Tried to nap but it's not in me. so piddled on the computer for awhile and watched a good western on AMC. Henry Fonda, Richard Widwmark, in Warlock! paid some bills talked to Mom and Adel etc.
The keyboard I ordered for Rob arrived at 545pm. Glad they got it with no hassles. Mom was a little crabby with me tonight before Robert came home but her mood improved later. I don't mind when she gets crabby with me better me than Rob as he has to take it when no one else is around which is most of the time (except for adel who has the patience of Job). God bless adel and robert!!!!!!! So far I don't have to report for jury duty on Wednesday. Have to call in after 9AM to find out for sure, they do things a bit different out here. I hope I don't have to report as I have allot to catch up on at work. Trying to keep a positive perspective on work! No one else takes it so seriously.We have an all office meeting tomorrow at 9AM they are going to discuss possible re-organization. I hope they try to bump me but I doubt it as there is no one who really wants my job. Too much responsibility and not enough pay.
Not much on the tube tonight, watching re-runs of Reba right now, stupid show but for some reason I find it funny. Well better than Amer. Idol or some other reality crap show.
Hope Robert finds out about Fire Island soon as I need to get my summer leave reserved. Also need to get deed changed over ASAP!. I need to get my FMLA papers filed ASAP too. Maggie has to get Dr. to get paperwork done.
I really enjoy having a laptop. Allot more comfortable typing in bed or on the couch. I do so much computer work at a desk (at work) that the last thing I want to do is sit at a desk at home and type.
Made pizza for dinner tonight! God it was good!!!! I starved myself all day so I could eat half a pizza tonight. I make a really good pizza if I do say so myself.
Haven't heard from Dave or Jane in awhile. Hope Jane is still not mad about what happened with the Dr. Appt. when I was in and hope she realized I was right in not trying to drag mom out that night. Time will tell.
Nothing really positive to talk about on the political scene. Looks like they will pass the immigration bill although I think it is the wrong legislation they will do what they will do no matter what the voters want. I am not against immigration but I don't think they should make special rules. We should all have to follow the same rules no matter what. Illegal is illegal no one should get amnesty just for the sake of big business. But we do live in a capitalistic world and that is not likely to change in my lifetime. I am not looking forward to all the political debate that will fill the news from now until the 2008 election, along with all the depressing news of the middle east. So, I will avoid the news as much as possible.
I really dig having DSL. I love being able to listen to NY radio along with the many other entertainment venues that are now available to me. I seem to be spending allot more time on the Internet now though. Don't know if that is good or bad right but it is interesting.
Well that's it for now. More tomorrow.
peace to you all!

Don't really know what to write. Thought I would try out starting a blog.
Spoke to Maggie about 6:30PDT, couldn't get Rob and Mom. Had jury duty today. Worked till 11:30 then home to dress and report at 1PM. Did not get selected to serve but the process was interesting. Burglary case. Was therE till 5pM. Still on call till june 1st. Trying not to watch or listen to too musch news lately as it is just too depressing. It's hard for me to believe that we have progressed so little since the 70's. It is so easy to forget the rebellious feelings of our youth and aquious to the machine as we get older.
I still find it hard to adapt to the federal employee attitude. I guess I expect too much from them. I will never understand how so many people can find satisfaction doing so little in a day. I guess I need to focus more on life outside the workplace. I am 10 years in federal sevice and still can't believe it!.
Trying to decide whether to keep new laptop or return it. Probably could have gotten a better deal. Still think I should have bought a dell but I have till june 8th to decide if I want to return the Gateway. It's a nice computer but the software that came free is not really Vista ready and that was part of the lure along with the five installment payment schedule. I upped the memory in my old dell 4500 destop to 512mb and it is really working well even though it is five years old. I am planning on a trip to the Barones' this weekend and will probably leave Saturday morning.
Getting tired. it was a long day. I will try to rest and pray I wake up. I love you mom!!!!!!
peace and love till tomorrow.
Q.